Why I Pray In The Shower

I’ve heard people who while apologizing for something bad they said to someone during an argument, say things like. “I guess my ego just got the best of me and that’s why I acted the way I did. ” Or. ” Yeah, my pride and ego has always been a problem for me, and I need to get it under control” As a matter of fact in some of the AA literature, “Pride and Ego” is mentioned as something many Alcoholics have way too much of and is said to be the cause for some of the difficulties they face in life.  While I would never dispute that pride and ego has caused some of my own difficulties in life and much of the unhappiness I’ve experienced. It wasn’t until I began working on overcoming the many fears and insecurities I felt about myself and life in general, that I was able to see how it was actually those things that were behind the prideful and egotistical behaviors I exhibited. I also knew if I ever wanted to stop behaving in that manner and be happier in life,  I needed to continue overcoming my fears and insecurities. I did this by using the tools of prayer, people, and hope and by believing in a creator I call god. Today I simply remind myself of who I am and who I am not, and try to practice some level of humility in my day to day affairs. As a result, I experience less fears and insecurities, have very few self created difficulties in life, and I feel much happier. I can also say that today I have a true sense of ego and a more appropriate pride in myself. I will add, however, that if it weren’t for all the times when my fears and insecurities caused me to act out in the prideful and egotistical ways I did, I wouldn’t know the difference between having a false sense of ego or a true one.

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Tags: happy with self, overcoming fear, self love, self worth, strength, true happiness

Even after thirteen years of sobriety I can still get emotional at times when talking about things from my past. Mostly it happens when I talk about how I wish I would have been a better husband and father than I was and other times it happens when talking about my childhood and teenage years.  Although a lot of people like when I do this and feel a connection with me, some seem to think I’m dwelling in the past too much and haven’t gotten over the things I talk about.  I know in my heart that I have gotten over these things and explain to them that I use the emotions I feel to help others.  For example, when I allow myself to feel sadness over certain things that happened in my childhood and adolescence, I am able to relate to the sadness others feel about their childhood and adolescence and help them understand what’s needed to get over it and move on in life. The same goes for any anger or self pity they may feel. I also explain how emotions from my past help me to be a better person than I was before. When I look back on all the times when I wasn’t the best person I could have been or a better husband and father,  I use the sadness and in some cases the anger I feel towards myself to help me be a better person, husband and father today. I clearly don’t feel I was the worst person anyone ever met, but make no mistake about it, some of the things I did in my drinking days were not very spiritual. Fortunately I know I’m not the same person I was back then and glad that I’m able to use use the emotions I feel from my past to not only help others and myself, but to feel grateful for who I am today.

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Tags: alcoholism, emotions, gratefulness, our past, recovery, regrets

I can understand why some people would doubt there’s a reason for everything, or even if there’s a god of any kind with some of the tragic events happening in the world today. And sometimes I wonder how I can honestly tell people that I believe there is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. I know when something considered good happens it’s easy to say there was a reason for it, but what about when some random tragedy occurs that doesn’t seem to have any meaning to it at all?  I have personally experienced things in my life that while bad at the time, eventually had meaning to them because I grew spiritually and as a person through them. However, I never experienced some of the tragic circumstances that others have which I wrote about in a post called gratefulness. I don’t pretend to be able to fully explain why some people go through the awful things they do, or why there has to be tragedy in the world at all, but I still try to help others believe there’s a reason for everything by reminding them that there are a lot of good things that happen in peoples lives, and the world, and that something good can come about in light of tragic events. I know if my own life has shown me anything, it’s that there is much more to this world than just the “bad things,” and that there surely has to be something that created life and the Universe for a reason.  A creator I call God that I pray to in the shower.

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Tags: a reason for everyting, creator, god, gratefulness, prayer