Why I Pray In The Shower

Know anyone who lives up to the idiom “Fly by the seat of one’s pants?“ It’s basically a person who isn’t afraid to do something even though they don’t have the experience or training required to do it.  I do and like to think of myself as someone who flies by the seat of my pants when it comes to facing different fears and insecurities in my life.  However, at one time I was the type of person who flew by the seat of my emotions and know quite a few people who still do.  These people seem to always let whatever emotions they’re feeling at the time, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, worry, ect… affect their behaviors and sometimes their actions towards others. Usually this is because they’ve done this all their lives and never practiced restraint or felt a need to change the way they behave. Mostly these types live in the extremes of happiness or the negative emotions they feel over their immediate circumstances. It took me a long time to stop “living” by the seat of my emotions and simply begin living life, but eventually through practice and help from others who would point out my often erratic and sometimes hurtful behavior’s, I found an emotional balance that has served me quite well over the years.

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Tags: behaviors, emotional balance, fears, fly by the seat of one's pants, Happiness, negative emotions

I’ve been trying to be a better person than I was before for quite some time now and although I have and continue to do so, it’s not always easy for me. There’s times when after letting certain things bother me I occasionally act out in ways I don’t like myself for. Fortunately however, when I do I’m able to remind myself that it’s not who I am and not beat myself up for it. I attribute this ability to love myself even when I don’t like myself to the spiritual and personal growth I’ve obtained in my life. I also remind myself of my own personal words of wisdom I included in my book under Growth. “Part of spiritual growth is knowing you will always need to grow, and part of personal growth is realizing this even more.”

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Tags: loving ourself, personal growth, spiritual growth, why i pray in the shower, words of wisdom

Since it’s Fathers Day I thought I would write how grateful I am for being a better father now than I was when my children were growing up. I wasn’t a mean dad or anything and always told both my son and daughter that I loved them, but I can’t deny the fact that I wasn’t there for them nearly as much as I should have been or the best role model for them. The bottom line is that I never knew how to be a parent or a role model until several years into my sobriety. It came about by me changing as a person through those years and although it took my son a little longer than my daughter to forgive the old dad and adjust to the new one, the payoff is having a good relationship with both of them today.  My son isn’t the emotional type, but I know he has forgiven me and loves the father I have become. And I know my daughter loves the father I have become because she trusts me with the grandchild she gave me over 4 years ago. But if there is one thing that first showed me she had forgiven me and that I had indeed changed for the better, it would be this poem she wrote for me in 2003.

If  you taught me just one thing
It is to love with all you have
But you taught me so much more
Through the good times and the bad

You showed me how to feel
Or at least passed this along
Even when I felt pain
You taught me to hold on

You proved that anyone can change
If you look within yourself
Even if you are feeling lonely
There is no need for someone else

You see the good in people
And have no tolerance for hate
I keep this in mind wherever I go
Even if I am always late

Genes have given me your sense of humor
I am goofy just like you
But you have made me realize
I can laugh at myself, too

There is no shame in crying
But self-pity is a waste of time
You and I have learned together
The power of the mind

You encourage me to believe
In more than just this life
Even when things look all gray
I know it will soon be all right

You are aware of your past
And have learned from your mistakes
You have taken your weaknesses
And turned them into strengths

You have shown me how to face your fears
And always tell the truth
Everyday heroes do exist
And you are living proof

The times when you thought you had failed
The times when you didn’t know what to do
These are the moments you had no idea
That I would learn so much from you

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Tags: becoming a better parent, changing ourselves for the better, fathers day, forgiveness, gratefulness

I remember in my drinking days how easy it was for me to play the role of a victim whenever I experienced unwanted or unfortunate circumstances in my life and often blamed others for them. I felt like no one understood what I was going through or had it as bad as I did and would dwell in the negative emotions that I took comfort in because they gave me an excuse to drink.  Poor me was always the theme that included anger and sadness and as my self-pity grew, my anger would usually turn into a deep seated resentment that inevitability got me drunk.  This feeling of being a victim was also evident in some of the troubled teenagers I worked with. Although not many of them drank, they did use the negative emotions they felt as an excuse to act out and do the things that got them into trouble.  There are a lot of reasons why people like playing the victim and none of them are for healthy emotional reasons, but I will say that many of the teenagers I worked with were like me, indeed victims. None of us ever asked for the bad parenting we had or the type of environment we grew up in and some had it much worse. A few of them had been abandoned as a child and some sexually or physically abused by a parent or family member. Although the goal for me was to help them understand why they liked playing the role of victim and what they needed to do to stop, there were times when professional help was needed to uncover more deeply rooted causes for their behaviors. Fortunately I was still able to help these young men at some level too because I understood the emotions behind feeling like a victim, but I never pretended to understand what they had gone through. Instead I talked openly about my life and how I felt through my childhood and adolescence, and did my best to get them to do the same. Much trust was needed and I certainly didn’t get every teen to open up and talk to me, but the fact that many of them did gave me a feeling that I could help anyone if they were open and honest with me, and more importantly with themselves. I learned how being honest with our self and someone else helps to uncover things that can cause both real or perceived emotional pain by doing the 4th and 5th Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I also talked with people in the rooms of AA who experienced the horrible things some of my teenagers did while growing up and still became emotionally well despite it. This was very important because it helped me reinforce to my teenagers that it was possible to overcome the awful things they experienced and that whether they were victims or not, they could stop playing the role of victim and start playing the role of survivor.



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Tags: creating our path, Darryl Duke, playing the role of victim, self-honesty, self-pity, why i pray in the shower