Why I Pray in the Shower “A Journey from Fear to Belief in Myself ”
This book is about my recovery from alcohol dependency, but more importantly it’s about how changing my thoughts and beliefs helped me create the kind of life I always wanted. It’s written with an honesty that keeps you reading until the very end and will help you believe we have the power to change our ourselves and our lives for the better. It will also help you believe that there really is something called true happiness as long as we’re willing to look for it.
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Introduction
“Is there a God?” and “Why are we here?” are questions I’ve heard answers to many times throughout my life. Most of the time the answers came from people of faith who said there is a God and we’re here to do His will. However, there were other times when the answers came from people without faith who said there isn’t a God and life is what you make out of it.
Although I was never religious, I guess I always believed there was some kind of God who helps us in our lives and never worried about anyone’s answers until I was forty-one years old. That’s when, with everything going good in my life and with me being happier than at any other time I can remember, I started doubting this belief, and soon found myself full of fear and emptiness. With help, this soon seemed to pass, but as the next few years went by and doubts in my belief still sometimes surfaced and made me fearful, I sought out reassurance that there was a God who brought purpose to our lives. Now, at forty-four years old, although I’m still not entirely sure why we’re here, I have reason to believe there is something, a creator perhaps, that will explain to me what life is about after I die, and I pray to it in the shower.
Through that time, I found that reading books on the subject of God would bring me some relief from the fear I felt and temporarily make me feel better. But because none of those books gave me the total reassurance I was looking for, I eventually turned to science for some kind of proof there was a God. Some of the things I read pointed towards there not being one and frightened me even more when they raised this question: “If there isn’t a God, does life still have meaning?” However, as I continued my search for reassurance through science and acquired more knowledge about life and our universe, I finally became filled with hope in the possibility of a creator, and that question was replaced by these: “Does this creator I call God help us in our lives?” And if so, “Will it help me end the doubts I have and overcome my fears?” And right now with those questions slowly being answered, I not only have reason to believe in a creator, but I’m also beginning to believe in myself.
Sometimes, though, I wonder if the need for reassurance in a God really did start three years ago, or if it actually began the morning of April 27th, 1996. That’s when, hung over and on the verge of losing my family, I decided to get sober and prayed to whatever God I thought there might be for help. When I drank, my life would slowly get out of control, and no matter how much heartache, sadness, or worry this would bring, I couldn’t stay sober on my own. Once when I was 30, I even asked a former drinking buddy for help, because I knew he had been sober for a while. He told me the reason he no longer wanted to drink was because of the more spiritual lifestyle he now believed in. He also told me there was a possibility that I was an alcoholic, and that maybe spirituality was the answer for me too. I tried it, but after only eight months I decided to drink again—why? Did God let me down? Or did I let myself down? Maybe I just wasn’t truly ready to surrender and believe like my friend did. Then, after six more years of drinking—and more heartache—came that frightening morning when I knew I would have to try again.
Today, I have a sense of serenity some days that makes me believe everything will be all right, even when it’s not. I can also usually remain grateful for the good things in my life no matter how unfavorable my current circumstances may be. Also, I have a sense of confidence in myself now that I never had before. I do wonder though what has been different this time from when I tried to stay sober before. Has God finally decided to help me because I’m doing its will by sincerely trying to lead a more spiritual life? Or have those things come about because of my own will to create them? My hopes are that the answers to those two questions will unfold as I write this book and continue to achieve other things I want in life. For example, I want to try to love everyone even if I don’t like them. I want to keep growing spiritually, and overcome my fears by believing in myself and God. I want to be ok with not having all the answers to why we’re here, and enjoy the here even more. And finally, if my belief is true that there is a God to explain this life after we die, I want it to help me explain to you Why I Pray In The Shower. So if you’re like me and never experienced a flashing light or sudden true conviction of the “Almighty,” then read on. If you have also been searching for answers, then read on. If you are afraid and lonely, but don’t know where to turn to, again read on. And, if you just want to be happy by having something to believe in, then please read on. This book isn’t an autobiography, but it does contain the parts of my life that I feel helped shape who I am and filled me with the hopes and beliefs I have so far—ones that make me realize that although my journey from fear to belief in myself has been a long one, it’s far from over as I now set out to find my own purpose in life. A purpose that I’m hoping will enable me to help other people come to believe in at least two things: That everything’s going to be all right, even when it’s not. And that there is indeed some kind of God, and it’s ok to pray to it, even in the shower.
Tuesday, July 20th 2010 at 7:59 pm |
I finished writing the introduction to Why I Pray in the Shower in January of 2005 and as I continued writing the rest of the book, the answers to the two questions I asked in the introduction did unfold and I did continue to achieve the other things I wanted in life. Today I believe my purpose is to help others at a higher level than I originally dreamed of and although my progress has been slow, I know it will come about as long as I keep believing it will.